Reflection

With Evan's 2-month birthday approaching, I'm thinking that it is time to reflect on my/our new life here at the Vaughn home. Not so much for others to read but to look back and to remember what this time was like and to capture it before it slips away. I find myself trying to remember how things were with Benjamin at this age and kicking myself for not writing it down. We have so many pictures and videos but no words to capture the thoughts and feelings of that time. It is true what they say, it goes quickly, and once it goes its gone.

Life with a newborn seems like a continuous cycle of feedings, changing diapers, soothing, and putting down for naps. I'm thinking that it seems that way because that is how it really is. I have been wishing for the day that we can do more with Evan than just the basic survival routine. I know, they all tell you not to wish it away because he is only a newborn for such a brief time. Well, that is fine for them to say, but frankly its not always fun. I try to capture those moments when he is lying on my chest and I can smell his sweet, milky breath. I do savor those moments but they seem to get lost in the minutia of daily life. No sooner do I experience that amazing feeling that I am holding my new son, a new personality in our lives, then it is time to do something else. It is time to burp, time to wipe, time to change both of our clothes that are covered in spit up, time to change Benjamin's diaper, time to get Benjamin's milk (well, you get the idea).

The great news is that its feeling a little easier than I was expecting when he first got here. During those first few weeks I could not imagine how I could possibly take care of Evan and still have time to meet Benjamin's needs. I am now at the point that I can do both and feel fairly competent doing so. Oh, and I can also fit in a shower and putting on make up for myself. That is where the feeling of competence ends at this point. I'm still not sure how we will make it out of the house, how Benjamin will get his social needs met, or how I will ever have exercise a steady part of my life. Did I mention that I would also like to make gourmet meals, garden, and be more active in our church?? Rather than feeling overwhelmed about these things, I have tried to see it as a challenge. Like, "ok now I can do this, let's see what it is like to add on one of these other things". Feeling this way right now indicates that I have probably gotten a good amount of sleep!

So there you have it, a reflection on the mommy of two experience at 2 months out. I'm pretty sure that I have a few very insightful, almost poetic statements to add but I do hear Evan calling!

More "No Balls" Mommy

We had snow in Austin yesterday!!! It snowed really hard for an hour or so in the morning and at various times throughout the day. We even had about an inch of accumulation. Benjamin got to play in the snow for the very first time! I showed him how to make snow balls and he kept saying "more 'no balls' mommy". I could not get him to come inside for lunch, he was having too much fun. Daddy also got to come home early because of the snow. We had a great afternoon together and even had hot chocolate with marshmallows! Now Benjamin knows how cool it is when it snows. If only we had more snow days in Austin......

First Smiles

Yesterday was one of Evan's best days and I really think he turned a corner. He had long periods where he was not fussy and he was much more interactive with the environment. In other words, the lights were on AND there was someone home. We were at Amma and Papa's house and Evan seemed very interested in the new surroundings. He enjoyed looking at all of their many shutters. He definitely smiled at us and even seemed to laugh. It was such a great moment! I have waited to see the day when he seemed happy and to enjoy being alive. Of course, I was unable to capture this on film, as I was too engaged in enjoying it. I did get an "almost smile" on camera though, and I am soon many more great smiles are to come.

A Great Weekend

This past weekend was the first weekend since Evan was born that felt somewhat normal. We did our thing as a family and worked Evan into the routine. I also feel much more like myself and I am getting more sleep thanks to STTN (see previous post). It was a long weekend because Lance was off on President's Day (gotta love the new job!). It was also Valentine's Day!


We spent a lot of time indoors due to the cold weather and napping schedules, but I was able to get out for a nice brisk walk around the neighborhood and into the greenbelt. I am feeling good and can't wait to start getting back into shape. Lance and Benjamin also got outside to put corn gluten down on our yard. Benjamin did such a good job helping. There was the family outing as well; we all went to Central Market to get ingredients for a romantic dinner. Things got a little dicey as Benjamin and Evan were both crying in the checkout line. It got better when we got home and Lance made the his classic romantic dish- Fettuccine with Shrimp and Tasso Cream Sauce. He had made that dish on our third date.


Other highlights of the weekend included Evan's bath, enjoying the olympics, eating chocolate, and putting up Evan's new mobile and watching him enjoy it. Now, if only every day could be the weekend!

STTN

Evan officially slept through the night the last two nights! He slept for 7 hours Wednesday night and 6 hours last night. What a great sleeper! The natural thing to do is to wonder if this is a fluke or a real pattern. I think I will believe that it is here to stay. Now if I could just sleep as long as he sleeps. I still wake up when he makes his noises. Sometimes he even cries in his sleep. It is only for a few seconds but certainly enough to wake up mommy.

A Dark Winter

For the most part, the winter of Evan's birth has been dark and dreary. We are not used to so many days without the sun in these parts. Let's face it, most of us would never make it in a place like Seattle. A few cloudy days in a row and we start to get deeply depressed, longing for any bit of sunlight. Its probably the best timing to be cooped up in the house with a newborn. I am not eager to get outside because it is not inviting. On the other hand, lack of sunlight does not help wake me up during the days after my sleep deprived nights. Let's just say that I am looking forward to the Spring. I envision Evan in the carrier and Benjamin riding his tricycle as we inhale the fresh air and feel the warm sunshine on our skin. I can't wait to see green everywhere and start gardening again. I also look forward to Evan's personality blossoming as he enters babyhood.


Evan is almost 6 weeks now. He is a sweet baby. I can't help but feel for his poor little heart because of all of his various discomforts. His poor eyes are always goopey from a clogged tear duct, he spits up in seemingly large quantities after every feeding, and he just generally seems uncomfortable a great deal of the time. Despite these problems, Evan is a good sleeper. He has been so predictable in his nighttime sleep habits since he was born. Like clockwork, he goes to bed at 9pm, wakes up around 1-2am, 5-6am, and then up from 8-9am every morning. I wonder if this reflects anything about his future personality. At any rate, it certainly helps his mommy to know what to expect and to get some sleep at night. Most nights I am able to get 5-7 hours of sleep, albeit broken up into several chunks. I think I am doing better than I expected at dealing with the lack of good sleep. I think knowing that it will likely change soon has helped me this time around.


I will carry on through these dark winter days awaiting the Spring. I can't wait for my baby to emerge and to see his first smile! More than anything, I want to see him happy.

Brothers

Last night Benjamin was lying on the floor and Lance put Evan down next to him. Benjamin was really interested in interacting with him and kept saying "hi Evan". He is so cute when he says his brother's name, it sounds like "Eveen". The boys posed for the first good pictures of them as brothers. Lance and I both had a wonderful sense of us as a family of four. We talked about how much fun we are all going to have through the years!

"I Love You" Update

So a couple of days ago Benjamin did say "I love you" without being prompted. He also said, "good morning, mommy." Wow!

One Month!

Evan turned one month yesterday! He had his doctor's appointment and weighed in at 9 pounds, 11 ounces. He has gained 1.5 pounds in 2 weeks! It feels good to know that all of this work is producing results.


He is a good sleeper and that helps mommy quite a bit. He sleeps from 9 to about 1:30, from 2:30 to 5:30, and 6 to 8. He also takes good naps throughout the day. Now, if only I could go right back to sleep after those middle of the night feedings. I was about to fall back asleep around 3 this morning and then Benjamin woke up! It is amazing though, how one can still function reasonably after only getting about 4-5 hours of broken up sleep for a month. The main problem is staring off into space and not being able to complete sentences :) I just hang on to the hope that this will get better soon. So, those of you who get good sleep, don't take it for granted!!