Oh Goodness!

This post is not really about how great the kids are and what all they have done lately. Its really just about me. We are almost at 9 months that I've stayed at home. Its hard to imagine where the time has gone. One thing that is for certain is that my life is so vastly different now than it ever was. I'm sure one day, when I'm back working in an office, I will look back and wish I was here again. However, today I am feeling overwhelmed and bogged down in the daily minutia that never seems to get smaller. I really do miss the maids, and I was a fool to ever tell them goodbye. I will never take for granted a totally clean house, especially one that wasn't cleaned by me! I have decided that I just need to let go of the idea that everything should be clean and free of any debris. It just doesn't happen around here! I'm sure it doesn't really happen in many other houses either.


I think the most important task for me right now is one that doesn't involve any real cleaning at all. I guess you could call it a figurative type of cleaning. I need to clean my head of all of the negative thoughts and complaints that are swarming around right now. I'm sure nobody wants to hear the litany of complaints that come spilling out of my mouth on a daily basis. At the top of the list is my bum knee, which really doesn't seem to get any better. How do I put mind over matter and not let the physical aches and disappointments bog me down? I should know this as a psychologist, and I probably could come up with a great answer....for someone else..... For now I will make an effort to focus on the positive, my cute little boys and the blessed life that I have. So if you hear me complaining (and I don't really know who you are since nobody reads this except my mom), slap me on the side of the head and tell me to buck up.


Lord give me the strength to overcome physical obstacles and the pains of daily living. Keep my eyes on what really counts; your love, your grace, and my children who depend on me.

Reflecting

Today I am feeling too tired to clean or do anything super-productive. I don't think I have ever taken a nap while Evan is sleeping and we are here alone. I just don't think I can relax enough. This morning while I was lying in bed, awake since 5 after Evan cried for a few minutes, I was looking at old pictures on my I Phone. I just melted when I came across pictures of Evan as a newborn and watched a short video clip of the two of us in the hospital. He seems to have crossed from being a baby baby to a big baby, if that makes any sense. I do have this feeling that we are leaving babyhood behind in this house, this time for good. I know that we will not have another, I will never have a little girl. I am happy with my boys, but sad when I think of them growing up and not being our babies anymore. I've always heard people speak of this feeling, but never had any idea what the experience might be until now, as I see Evan approaching the one year mark. I know relationships with mothers and boys are often not as close when they are older, as it might be with mothers and daughters. I just pray that I can keep my boys close for as long as possible, even when they are men.


Reflecting back over the past 8, almost 9 months, I immediately notice how much I have changed. Many of the obvious ways seem to be for the worse, as I take inventory of my body. I simply am not the person I was. I have hollows under my eyes that do not seem to go away if I get more sleep. When I look in the mirror I do not recognize myself, and I always look tired. My joints crack and pop whenever I get up and I am still nursing my injured knee. I don't know what happened to my hair, but I can not seem to do anything with it anymore. Most days, I do not wear make up and it doesn't really seem to matter. Its not that I used to be some incredible physical specimen with glistening hair, perfect skin, and a perfectly-functioning body. No, that's not it. Its just that I am not the same, and it takes some getting used to. Aside from the obvious physical changes that I often lament, and probably should stop complaining so much about, I do believe that I have made some positive changes. I'm pretty sure that I am tougher than I ever used to be, and I am quite sure that I don't take as many things for granted. I thoroughly appreciate a warm bath, a trip to the store by myself, or any time by myself for that matter. Having the second child has definitely made me more of a mother, if one can say that. I am fully immersed in motherhood, I eat, sleep, and breathe it. I am also certain that there is no greater joy that I could experience than being a mother to my two boys, seeing them laugh and play. This great love that I have for them draws me closer to God in ways that I am not awake enough to describe. It is the relationship with God that I have relied on, and will continue to pull strength from every day, and especially on those days when I think that I just can't do it. I can do it, I have done it, and I will do it. Amen.

Clapper

Evan clapped today! He did it spontaneously on two separate occasions. He didn't even know he was doing it, but he seemed to have fun!

The Boy Gets Around

Evan started crawling just recently and, let me tell you, he really gets around! Evan is fully into exploring mode and now that he can get to things, he has to get to everything. It seems that Evan is especially drawn to things that are off limits, like cords and sharp corners. Yes, it is definitely time for his parents to re-baby proof the house.


In other Evan news, he has FINALLY gotten to sleep in a real crib, now that we have moved Benjamin to his "big boy bed" (which is actually smaller than his crib). Evan seemed to take right to the crib, and appreciates having more square footage to explore. He now enjoys sleeping with a cozy blanket and smiles and kicks his legs when I tuck him in with it. He is simply too adorable!

8 Months Old

Evan turned 8 months on Friday, and I'm just getting around to posting! I guess that might tell you what a busy weekend it was. Its so crazy that the long weekend, which should be relaxing, seems extra-exhausting. It may be that we try to get so much done on the weekends, when Lance is here and things are more productive. Anyway, our littlest one is 8 months old, which feels like an impossibility! I can't believe how close he is coming to one year.


At the 8 month mark, Evan is pretty much crawling. He is able to move forward towards objects that he wants, and he is pretty fast. A combination of rolling over and scooting with his arms and legs gets him fairly mobile and he is much less frustrated. He is also pretty vocal, saying "mamama", "dadada", "babab", and "nanana". I swear he says those things discriminately sometimes, and I really think that he said "dada" to his daddy yesterday. He says "nanana" when he doesn't like something or is unhappy about it. Evan is a very curious little boy who constantly explores objects and loves to watch his big brother. He is also very excited about photography and enjoys looking at pictures of himself and his family as we go up and down the stairs. He is a budding foodie, savoring most foods. His favorites are squash (homemade baby food with a dab of butter and fresh herbs), peas, roasted peaches, and bananas. Evan can also feed himself puffs. In terms of his relationship with animals, Evan is friends with our cat, Ruthie. She does not mind that he pulls her hair out in large clumps.