A Whole Lot of Love

Benjamin has been so sweet lately. He has really been expressing his love for me in very charming ways. Yesterday he told me, "whenever I follow you around, that means I love you!". That's such a better way to view it than thinking that he is being "clingy" or "needy". He also tells me that if ever Evan or Sawyer will not give me a hug, he will. He goes on to clarify that this will occur even when he is "big". He often puts his arms out to indicate just how much he loves me, Evan, or daddy, and exclaims that he "loves us around the whole world". I am so glad that Benjamin is in touch with his love for his family and I hope it only grows, although I know someday soon the expression of his love may not be so forthcoming or look quite as it does today. That is why I must remember to treasure every minute and to really be in the moment with my children as they are today.

Team of Helpers

Benjamin is in a helping phase lately, and it just melts my heart when he is so eager to help. When I ask him to do something, like get a diaper for Evan, he says, "I sure can!". I can tell that he just feels so good about himself when he is helping. Benjamin has always helped in the garden, even when he was two years old. Like many young children, he relishes the opportunity to dig and just anything that involves the moving around of dirt. Now that I am pregnant I really could use his help in the garden. Digging holes and bending over are not very agreeable to me right now and any bit of help is welcomed. A couple of days ago Benjamin offered to help me plant a new tree that we bought at The Natural Gardener. Not only did he help, but he pretty much did it all by himself, and even supervised Evan during the latter stages of the project. Now I am really thinking that it could be good to have three tough little boys. Just think of all the work that they could do in the garden!

Later than evening as Benjamin and I were reflecting on his enjoyment of helping and how much mommy appreciates it. I told him that he would probably have many opportunities to help, especially as he will soon be the oldest of three brothers. Benjamin looked at me excitedly and said, "Evan, me, you and daddy can all help Sawyer, we can be a team of helpers". Again, the warm feelings were surrounding my heart as I imagined all of the love that our family will share in the coming years. Now, I must put my mind to promoting this helping philosophy so that it will continue and flourish!

Three's Company

After a very long hiatus, I've decided to get back in the blogging business. There's really no excuse for stopping in the first place, but I can try to blame it on going back to work and just being too tired in the evenings to do anything that takes mental energy. However, there is a very good reason for starting again. We are having another baby! Lance and I found out in October that we will be adding a third child to the family. This is never something we expected, but it was planned after very careful consideration. I can't explain why I couldn't stop thinking about having another baby this past summer. Not a moment in my life had I considered that I would have more than two children. It took lots of analysis of positives and negatives, asking some mothers of three or more, and praying before Lance and I agreed it was the best thing for our family. We just imagined that, despite the extra work we are creating for ourselves, a bigger family might just be better for us in many ways. We were both one of two siblings growing up, so this would be something different from our previous experience of family.

In January we found out the gender our our third child. Naturally, we were both thinking a girl would be awesome and totally unexpected. When we went in for the ultrasound it was immediately apparent that we would not be having a girl. There was some disappointment for me. It was not that I didn't want a boy, or that I didn't love boys, but that I knew for sure that I would never have a daughter. When you have three kids, you just naturally expect that one of them will be a girl. Life is full of experiences, and having a daughter is one that is just not part of God's plan for us. As I grappled with this reality, I realized several things that have helped me find closure to my dream of a little girl. First, with three boys, I will likely have three daughters-in-law and possibly granddaughters. Second, I can teach my sons how to relate better to women by showing them about feelings, showing empathy, and demonstrating listening skills. Finally, what a gift for Evan, Benjamin, and the new baby to grow up as three brothers! I also realized that God had different plans for me and my family than what I thought was best or ideal. For some reason that I can't yet imagine, a family of three boys is what is best for all of us. The fulfillment of God's plan far outweighs my desire to buy pink clothes and to have someone to go shopping with. My vision is Earthly, short-sighted, and temporary, His plans are all-knowing and eternal.

I'm at 21 weeks now and we expect our third son, Sawyer, to arrive in late June. I am so glad that we decided to have another child, and I can't wait to meet him!

He is waving at us!